I apologize in advance....

Today was a pretty good day. When I woke up today I was pretty pumped up for the scheduled training. UCP. Unarmed Combatives Program. Also known as MMA (Mixed Martial Arts). I've been wanting to take lessons/train in MMA for some time now and haven't really gotten around to it. The Army has 4 levels. We only got to do an INTRODUCTION to level 1. It was about as basic as you can get. Most of the stuff was things I learned from wrestling in Highschool and watching UFC on TV. Well, maybe a little more advanced than that but you get the picture. What I didnt take into account when getting excited this morning was the Army motto "Train like you fight, Fight like you train". Which means we were doing all of these moves in 50lbs of gear. After about 10 minutes I had had enough.

Now I'm sure some of you are wondering what I was apologizing for. I am about to tell a story and it contains some language some of you may not approve of, but I said it and found the story funny and felt I should share it. So I apologize in advance. For all of the training we do, we finish them with an After Action Report. They go around the room and ask us for things that could improve the training and things we think they should sustain. For almost every training there is this Lueitannt that always asks for something moronic and usually makes us sailors look soft. Like "I think the chairs in the classroom should have more padding" or "the coffee wasnt hot enough" or my favorite "how big are the spiders in Kuwait?". These questions and comments are annoying and whenever he riases his hand a round of sighs falls upon the room. What is he going to say now type of thing.

So today was no different. It was different for me though because it is hand to hand combat training. Tough guy stuff, and like I said it was basic. No striking or anything, just a couple takedowns and arm locks and stuff. So what is the first thing this Leiutannt says? "You should give us pads and mouthgaurds". A few chuckles let out and then I say out loud in front of everybody......."Would you like them to supply you with a tampon too sir?" A roar of laughter lets out and then everyones eyes focuses on the Leuitennant. It sinks in. He is our boss. He is about 8 ranks ahead of me. He doesn't look amused. You could hear a pin drop.

Now everyone is staring at me. You hear a few "ooooh"s. "You're done man". Things of that nature. So now I'm worried. As soon as the class adjourns he makes a b-line right for me. Stick a fork in me. I'm done. He says "haha, that was a good one man, you got me". Whew! Boy was I relieved. So now its funny again. He is from Bucks County and we talk about Philly sports now and again, so maybe thats what saved me. But enough walking the tight rope for me. That was too close.

We also had a brief about a brief we are going to recieve tomorrow. You read that right. A breif about a breif. Just go with the flow right. Anyway, apparently I will be dropped in a forest tomorrow with a map, a whistle and a compass and have to find my way back. Whats with the whistle you ask? Thats if I get lost. I am supposed to start blowing that whistle so when they send the lookout party it will be easier for them to find me. Originally the told us we would be in groups of 3-5. But I guess that info was incorrect. I'll be alone. Hopefully I didn't get my sense of direction from my mother.